OPTIMISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe everything happens for a reason. Whether life is driven by coincidence, or fate, at the end of the day, it brings us to the same spot. I've realised and accepted that I have been in the wrong. Now I am dealing with the consequences. In life, you can only move forward, and strive to be a better person. Although the process in getting the full picture may not have been the best experience, the point is, I am here now. I know what my faults are, and ya, they're hella ugly. But it is never too late to change into something better. It takes patience, time and space. Take life as a journey and set yourself no expectations. Think about the now, rather than the when. And always choose to strive, rather than expect. That gives me hope that I can find myself again, and at the same time, be something better. And I thank you for that.



[Go - Boys Like Girls ]

Sorry

I take back everything I've said and thought of. I am the reason for the failure of our friendship. And I'm sorry.

Running away

I just want to run away. I don't care where I go, I just want to get out of this place. I want to run away from myself. Everything I don't want to be, I am, and that frustrates me, and I want to run away from that.

Untitled

I don't know if what I did was right or how I dealt with it was right. I'm not too sure if I jumped to conclusions too quickly. The situation got so messy and I was so angry that I decided to give up. Just like that. In the end it takes two and reciprocity to make something work. I want to try and fix it so badly,and I needed your help as well. But yeah, I dunno. The input wasn't there so I just gave up. I could have tried harder but when is trying harder just too much. Does trying too hard make it a waste of time and effort? I'm done trying. So I'm sorry if I gave up, but I am just done trying.

Right now...

If I could travel the world today, I would. If I could just somehow find a getaway, I'd go there right now. I want to be blind.. I want to be oblivious.. I want to be invincible. I want to face the world without fearing it's going to attack me. I want to run, without being scared someone or something is after me. I want to wake up tomorrow morning feeling motivated. I want to feel excitement. I want to be on an ultimate high, so high that no one can take me down. I want to be free. Free from thoughts, free from having feelings. I just want to be free.

There, but not really there.

"Oh truly we are, a fortunate few
Who turn on your axis, revolve around you
All spinning outwards from your sun
Passing your reflection on
In your hurry to grasp
Everything you see
You don't see me"

If love is an ocean, then we are just the stream

It's hard to explain this feeling without using anecdotes. But I was feeling it for about a month or two, and they were probably signs that things weren't working out, but then again, I was probably refusing to believe it. It was the feeling of not being seen. Face to face I was there, but personally and emotionally, at times it felt like I was invisible. I tried to stand tall, but I was being overshadowed by others. I think one of the greatest things about being in a relationship is how the other person makes you feel. How sometimes you get that feeling that you're the only person in the world - I know it sounds corny, but it's the only way I could describe it. Having too much of that feeling is detrimental..you begin to loose your friends. With us, it felt like the world had a hole. People and distractions were seeping through day in, day out.. that the world became so crowded, priorities changed and I could no longer be seen. That's, how it felt.

argh

It's the feeling of wanting to run away in order to try and stop feeling like this. I just want to bash my head up to stop thinking because it just won't stop.

Life...

Life is like an irreversible chemical reaction. You can talk and think about the past as much as you want, but it won't get you anywhere. Walking forward, with your memories right beside you is the only option. Even so, memories are still intangible images of the past and is probably not even close to what you want. But that is life..you always want what you can't have, and what other people have. We are never satisfied. So it up to us to decide what we want to do with those bag of memories. We could either discard it because it is not what we want, or keep them close to us because that is all we have left of the past. It's our decision.

The beginning.

Hey all =]. For those who don't know me, my name is Rachelle. I am not much of a blogger. I can't really write as good as other people I know, and the stuff I talk about is far from interesting. So why did I create one? 1. To get out of studying, because I can't be assed memorising a freaking cell cycle and 2. Mainly, it's for myself. To help myself. To keep my mind away from going insane, and to just realease everything that's eating me up at a particular point in time. I keep a lot of things to myself, and I don't know why. I think I have always been like that. I know people are there for me and I am forever grateful for my friends. At the same time I apologize if it feels like I'm blocking you guys out. That is really not my intention. And I know, it's something that I need to change.

So where to begin. Last night I decided to let go. It was time to face reality for real. Over the past couple of weeks I have been so naive about everything. Thoughts were eating my mind up telling me that he no longer felt the same way. I refused to believe it. I kept telling myself, we get along so well and we understand each other more than anyone..How can this possibly be true..It can't be true. But it is. This year has been so overwhelming for the both of us.. that we forgot about us. And though it was falling apart right in front of our eyes we still could not see it. We may have figured out what the problem was, but the damage has already been done, and there's nothing we can do about it at this very moment. I can cry as much as I want, but that's not going to change anything. And I realise there's no point in running after him if it's not going to work. He probably knew that all along. But I just couldn't see it. Optimism made me blind and so dedicated to dust. So where do we go from now? More than anything, I want him in my life. Whether it be as a friend or just an acquaintance . And I'm sure he wants the same thing too. But I can't do that right now. He'll be there enjoying our friendship and I'll be too busy wondering which girl he'll be talking to or hanging out with, envying them and wishing that person was me. Friendships don't consist of people wanting so much more than just a friendship. Friendship is about enjoying one's company, sharing stories and happy moments, and being so content. Friendships don't consist of having expectations and waiting for something to happen. As much as I want him to be my friend.. I won't make a good friend and that saddens me. I wish I could be better...

There's no other way to explain this, but yeah, I really do miss him. I miss being able to share all my thoughts with him, and telling him what happened during my day. I miss being stupid with him. We acted like kids majority of the time, which made the world seem so care free. We joked around a lot and blabbled even more. It's times like these when I wish I absorbed all the random stuff he had said, because I don't know when tomorrow will come to hear it again. He made me laugh and I will always cherish what we had, because it was something special =]. He'll always be important to me and I hope he's happy, living life to the fullest and enjoying each and every moment of it. I miss you.


Rachelle.

[ The Scientist - Coldplay ]